Neverland Yard Investigations – The case of the lovely Miss Dreamy (3)

Fairy Policewoman Wanderson: Time of examination 37:03, full moon, January, chapter 5, East Dreamland Time. The defendant’s lawyer is present and acknowledges all legal conditions to have been met, so as to be able to proceed …
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: Huh? Oh yes, yes… No, wait!
FPW: Yes, Mr. Horatio?
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: Um… are you sure my client is of enough height to be held legally responsible?
FPW: Your client is a dwarf, Mr. Horatio – and his height was considered sufficient to serve in the army, as his record shows.
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: Right. Still: are you absolutely sure – I mean, being short should present a considerable legal advantage … ?
Mungo: You’re fired.

FPW: Excuse me, Sir?
Mungo: The bleedin’ Englishman’s fired for all I’m concerned. Nobody makes cracks on me height. Especially not a long-shangs with a parrot for a hat like this ‘ere!
FPW: I’m afraid you’ll need to stick with this one for the examination, Sir – we’ll be able to produce a substitute solicitor by the time of your preliminary hearing, if you should want that. Besides, Sir, you’re not paying for your lawayer, it is assigned from the public office. This means you cannot actually fire him.
Mungo: Aye, but he’s still not me lawyer.
FPW: Sir, according to our examination rulebook, I can proceed with the examination if the solicitor was in agreement with you at the beginning of the session – which he was. At this point, I can only warn you that we will take note of all your answers just as if Mr. Horatio here was your lawyer. The difference is that we will no longer make official note of his interventions.
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: Oh… So I might as well leave already?
FPW: Certainly, Mr. Horatio – if you insist on getting fired for real, from the public office. To presently avoid that situation, I suggest you stay and make yourself useful, or otherwise conspicuous.
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: Huh… alright…
FPW: Good. Now, to procee….
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: ‘scuse me, Miss Wanderson – what do you suppose I could do to help … errr…. my ex-client, from eh… my position now ?
FPW: … …. We would both appreciate a sandwitch and some tea. … Would you sit down, Mr. Horatio!!!… You will do just as if Mr. Mungo were still your client – which, technically, he is – while trying to make yourself sufferable.
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: Oh, okay…
FPW: Good. Having settled that, all conditions are met to start the examination. Would you state your name and binding, Sir?
Mungo: Me name’s Mungo and me binding’s been suspended, and ye darn well know that.
FPW: Sir, there are serious acusations against you – you have been brought in for this examination, on charges of luvstruck fighting, waltz toe-stepping and injurious grumbling at husky puppies – of the latter two I presume our suspicions are all but confirmed, from the first glance almost – and mind you, it has nothing to do with your size. Now please state the name of your former binding.
Mungo: Ivan.
FPW: Thank you. May I ask what are the circumstances under which you have acquired that binding?
Mungo: That bucket o’ grass ridin’ sunrise decided to fall in love.
FPW: … And?
Mungo: Tha’ssit – blast, woman: I’m an evil dwarf, for the sake of Lake Kuns and MacTavish! I’m supposed to fight luvstruck sissies, step on toes and grumble at puppies!!! I’s me bleedin’ job!
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: … err… I’d like to remind you Mr. Dwar… Mungo that everything you say is…
Mungo: Aye, ye’re going straight for a smacked face!
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: Sorry…
Mungo: Cork it!
FPW: Who was Ivan in love with?
Mungo: Oh, the lad still is in love – the Lovely Miss Dreamy, he called her.
FPW: Well, Mr. Mungo – your suspension could have occured in two possible situations – one is overstepping the duties specified in your charter, the second is the completion or obsoletion of said duties. Being taken in and brought to the NLand Yard would tend to suggest the first option.
Mungo: Nay, the lad beat me fair and square. Made ‘im flatten a few toes for that and I may have pissed off a few well placed dogs in the process, but I didn’t do any „oversteppin'”. Chances are he doesn’t even hold me a grudge.
FPW: How about her?
Mungo: Hah! She better darn well not hold ol’ Wolfie grudges!
FPW: And why would that be?
Mungo: Because the tougher the dwarf, the stronger the luv is, luv! Everybody knows that… Except you city sissies, as I’ve taken note.
FPW: … Well thank you for the lesson on medieval thinking, Mr. Mungo. May I remind you though that we are a civilized Dreamland?
Mungo: Bah, civilization – we dwarves invented it! Finally ye discover it – and all of a sudden ye’re teachin’ everyone lessons.
FPW: … Right… Well, regardless – the reason you have been brought to the NLand Yard and not to a regular bedtime precinct for hillbillies, is that we are conducting an investigation on Miss Dreamy, Ivan’s sweetheart. And we need more information.
Mungo: Well, I’ve seen ‘er twice. On one occasion, I flew with her over some blue treetops, in the Highlands – I must admit I was so speechless, seeing my homeland and all, that I was utterly unable to perform any wickedness. On the second occasion though, I’ really outdone meself. Made ‘er cry, too.
FPW: Do tell…
Mungo: Tha’s a trade secret, lass. And there’s also the matter of confidentiality between client and evil dwarf.
FPW: Do tell or else… ?
Solicitor Horatio M.U. Clyde-Kevary: Is that a er…. threat?
Mungo: Ten mugs o’ale says I break ‘im five teeth in one swing.
FPW: That will need to wait till his next nightmare, I’m afraid. And I’m inclined to take you up on that, but only on condition that I witness it.
Mungo: Darn certain, lass! Alright, I be tellin’ ye: ye see, Miss Dreamy has a different atomic distribution than most ladies from dreams. Modern physics are only partially able to explain that. Ye see, lass, a dream can have four (cardinal) orientations – storm versus clear and warm versus cold. Depending on these orientations, the world revolves around them and they react to it. The stability and instability of a certain dream is essentially a function of these reactions, and that at atomic level. As such, it is relatively easy (or at least possible) to anticipate the conception and path of a dream. But not Miss Dreamy. She has a touch of chaos about ‘er – in the strictly moral and clear minded way. Knowing that, I waited for the right instant where ‘er orientation was towards a cold storm, a blizzard – and I had me Ivan duck for cover and wait for it to pass. The catch, lass, is that when she’s in that particular orientation, Miss Dreamy needs to be hugged and she needs to be told luvnicks and sweetnips – which was precisely what me Ivan was not doing. So, I saw that through until I made ‘er cry and then I was brought in – and that’s the extent of my knowledge.
FPW: Can you document this peculiarity of Miss Dreamy, for our record?
Mungo: Aye, lass.
FPW: Would you like to know the rest of the story?
Mungo: Well, lass, it’s not really me number one pain right now, ye understand – because one way or another I’ve botched this one. So ye see, now it’s just like sitting out on a brawl – when I could’ve been shovin’ skulls up arses and…
FPW: Yes, I think we got the idea. Very well, you and your Englishman may consider this examination concluded. Please report to the front desk, for directions on where to pay the due fines for the charges brough against you.
Mungo: Aye, ye jar of crocodile lard – come outside, I’ve got a trusty nail board, no taller and no shorter than I am, just itching to find yer English soft places!


1 Response to “Neverland Yard Investigations – The case of the lovely Miss Dreamy (3)”

  1. 1 Jim
    martie 25, 2009 la 3:40 pm

    smart evil dwarf, fighting the Lovely Miss Dreamy for her soft spots
    God forbid Mungo meets Skipper… [every Lovely Miss has an evil dwarf too…]

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